Ospedale (When the Bidet Saved the Day!)

Our year here has been filled with highs and very few lows. Mid May brought upon us a few days that we would just assume forget.

My mom returned to Florence after not having been here since early November (And not having seen us since Christmas) and our close friend Emily (Who has been watching our house while we are away) arrived just two days later.

I on the other hand had managed to dodge bullets all year long and had avoided falling ill since we arrived in Italy in August. In fact, I think that it had been over a year since I had even had a cold! Well my streak came to an abrupt end the day after they arrived in Florence and put a serious damper on our weekend together :>(

It started innocently with a low grade fever and knees that ached as if I had just run in the Florence marathon. After two days of symptoms that couldn’t stop me from keeping with my workout routine, it hit me like a locomotive.

Over the next thirty six hours I spent my time traversing back and forth “Literally” every twenty to thirty minutes between our bedroom and our bathroom. Those that have prepped for a colonoscopy need only to recall that fateful night and multiply it by about five times the length, add a fever of about 102 degrees to the mix, and you will understand what I went through! Over the span of four days I lost 4.5 kilo (about 10 pounds!)

By Saturday night my doctor (Who had made three house calls over the previous two days) felt it was time for me to go to the hospital for blood tests and to stave off dehydration. In total I spent about five hours in the hospital with an IV in my arm receiving fluids. The good news was that the blood work for Salmonella and other serious things came back negative and I was sent home to the comforts of my overused mattress and the commode that I had become far too intimate with!

Ahhh, but there’s a silver lining in this story and it rests on the seat of the bidet! When one spends so much time squatting as I did in that horrible period, the word “Chapped” is enough to send chills down your spine! There is no shortage of “Morbido” toilet tissue in Italia, but even the softest wiping materials won’t protect the most delicate of skin!

The routine was pretty simple and by no time I was able to do it in my sleep (Or at least with my eyes closed at three in the morning!)

Step 1: Sit on the toilet for three to five seconds before action happens.

Step 2: Wait till all is finished including severe abdominal cramping.

Step 3: Resist habit of reaching for toilet tissues and “Slide Step” to the right approximately 18 inches.

Step 4: Turn on bidet water to desired temperature (If wanting to go back to sleep wait till water is warm!)

Step 5: Enjoy how fresh you feel

Step 6: Dab toilet tissue to remove wetness

Step 7: Go back to bed

The thought of having to endure those three days without the help of a bidet is something that I would never want to go through. My guess that I would still be walking a bit gingerly two weeks later :>)