Once Around

Have you ever seen this movie? It starred Holly Hunter, Richard Dryfus and Danny Aiello. There’s a famous scene at the end where they drive in a circle in a roundabout in their limo. It’s their way of reliving a very fond memory together.

For us, our Once Around has begun and it’s been hard so far. Many of our friends are surprised for some reason to find out that we will not be returning to Italy after the summer. “Che pecata” (What a shame) they murmur under their breath. Everyone wants to get together for a final dinner or lunch. Our social calendar is slammed. The outpouring of attachment is incredibly flattering.

It makes it hard as in so many ways, we have tried to “Detach”, at least I have. I’ve found myself pulling away from some of my casual acquaintances, goodbyes are hard for everyone, I’m no exception. Many of my friends have asked me of late “What’s wrong? You seem different. Is everything OK?” I guess I’m not doing such a great job of hiding my feelings. Its as if I don’t want to be sad, so as a means of protection, I am guarded. What a contrast. Not more than five months ago, I was writing about working hard to make friends and now I’m trying to figure out how to fly under the radar screen. I’d be lying to say that the thought hasn’t crossed my mind that it would have been easier to not have developed any deep friendships. But if I were to do it all over again, I’d do it the same way.

Those that we are close with (You saw their faces in last months blog) are another story. It’s not possible to detach from them and we don’t want to. For several of them it’s as if they are grasping for every last minute with us, trying to figure out how to squeeze in another bit of time together. Many of them have been very open about their feelings, telling us that they will cry when we leave or that there will be a void in their life.

I often think about the courage that they have for allowing themselves to become friends with us! For a guy like Paolo “The Gentile Giant” he has poured his soul into our friendship like very few people that I have ever known. It’s as if he’s Trey and Olivia’s Uncle at this point. He loves them and them him. Now he has to say goodbye. We feel so sad for him, but at the same time admire his willingness to become our friend knowing that it would be limited in time and scope.

This brings up an interesting question. Why would these people be so attached to us when we’ve only known each other for a short period of time and in some cases still can’t fluently communicate with one another? The answer seems to lie in the difference with us as Americans. Several people over the last few months have told us that we are “different” not like their Italian friends. We’ve been told that we’re “Open”, “Happier”, “Non Judgmental” and “Unique”. I would imagine that given the fact that this has been the most magical year of our lives, that Anna and I have had a great energy when interacting with people. It’s not like we’re in a bad mood very often!

These compliments of course need to be taken with a very light grain of salt, but they raise an interesting issue. Have we been a breath of fresh air in their lives, displaying the hopes that naturally come with the freedom of being an American? I ask this because I have been told so many times by different people that Americans are happier than Italians, that they dream more and that they have an enthusiasm that’s not guarded, that’s full of adventure.

When I reflect back on the past year, I do see a guardedness in the Italian people in many ways. I think that it comes from having been disappointed so many times by their government, so many un kept promises about a better life and system to live in.

For some of our friends, for various reasons we will never see them again and will be left to wonder what the meaning of our encounter was in the first place. Others will perhaps be our friends for the rest of our lives. For now, our revolution around the roundabout will continue throughout June and into early July. It won’t get easier but certainly harder. The second half of this tale will be covered in the final blog next month. Stay tuned…