Notes from the Cheap Seats

Bathing – For many reasons stated previous, it’s been great having Mark and Tracy Tyoran in town with us. One of the very valuable contributions that they make is being as inquisitive about “Oddities” of Italian society as Anna and I are. This helps us in discovering answers to many of our pressing questions, like “Why do many Italian people (Both men and woman) have really bad body odor?” Now, I would never want to make this a generalization about all Italians but without question “Natural Perfume” is more plentiful here than in the states. We put our crack investigative team, Mark and Tracy on this one and they uncovered something quite interesting:

As it turns out, the answer lies with the reason that every Italian bathroom has a bidet. My assumption was the bidet was a conscientious effort on the part to Italians to be “Green” and cut down on toilet paper. Oh contraire! As it turns out, the average Italian does not shower everyday! In fact three showers a week is about the norm according to reliable sources. The odd days are spent cleaning “The Privates” in the “Chuch Fountain” as Anna calls it! The bidet is expressly meant for the cleaning of ones private parts, however this didn’t stop my dad from washing his feet in it one night while in Rome! For those that have not seen a bidet, its an elongated rectangular sink that looks interestingly similar to a toilet, minus the seat and the tank. The distinguishing feature is a small adjustable faucet that can be aimed to “Shoot” in the desired area, leaving one with the spring freshness of a lamb roaming in green pastures (God, we have fun writing this blog sometimes :>)

The results of this “Targeted Cleansing” are not quite as amusing for those with a keen sense of smell (Or for those giving out hugs for that matter). Here’s where we’re having a tough time with this rationale, as Anna puts it “How can you feel good about cleansing the privates when your pits smell like a truck driver whose been on the road for five days?”

Case in point is a nice lady who we know from the gym and who will remain anonymous. She’s really cute (Looks like Gwyneth Paltrow with really short hair) and is in good shape. Anna pointed out to me one day that she can’t bare the smell when she is near her. This lovely young lady often wears a pink top along with grey workout pants each morning. To give you an idea, she works out for approximately 90 minutes each day and has been to wear the same outfit three days in a row. Anna has officially named her “Stinky Pinky”!

After this report on bathing was drafted, our crack investigative crew (Mark and Tracy) obtained further data that may to at least some extent explain why the phenomenon of occasional bathing occurs here. It seems (Anna can verify this as resoundingly true) that the faucet water in Italy is full of chlorine and other nasty chemicals (This is why Italians only drink bottled water for the most part as well). These chemicals are bad for your hair and skin, which may explain the reason for only occasional bathing. Between us, I’ll take the dry hair and skin over stench any day!

The contradiction in hygiene – Somewhat akin to that of body odor is what seems to be a major contradiction in Italian culture relating to hygiene in general. Its quite interesting that on one hand you have a society that only baths once every couple of days, many of its woman have hair under their arm pits and no one wears flip flops in the “Bagno Turko” Turkish bath or as we know it steam room. Apparently planter warts don’t exist here! Additionally, we find that the definition of “hand washing” dishes is much more loose here than in our home. I wont name names, however we have found several plates, knives and forks with remnants of this mornings breakfast, or last nights dinner clinging to the supposedly clean cutlery (This is not by any means specific to one individual but certainly commonplace!)

On the other hand, when you enter the Bagno Turko, there are several hoses on the wall and every single man and woman uses them to diligently hose off the marble seats in the steam room to ensure that they are not sitting on one single drop of someone else’s sweat. In the men’s locker room, there are no less than ten hair dryers mounted to the walls (When I first joined the gym I thought “Hmmm, Italian men must really like to style their hair after showering”) and it seems that these are there at least in great part for the drying of ones genital hair! I must tell you it’s a strange sight seeing a man standing naked, with the hose of a hair dryer pointed right at his package! You will never see Italians walking barefoot (Other than the beach perhaps) either, unless of course they are in the Bagno Turko! Lastly, I also find that Italian’s are much better at cleaning up after themselves when using the gym equipment. Not only does everyone lay a towel down to ensure that their perspiration doesn’t come close to touching the seat of the bike or workout bench, but they also diligently use a paper towel and disinfectant on the machine when they are done! I guess in the end, it’s pretty simple. Italians despise sweat, but not so much that they will bath everyday :>)


Dog Poop – I wouldn’t call “Curbing your Dog” an Italian past time any more than I would call Dominos a good pizza! How’s that for a comparison, “Crap” and “Dominos” I’m sure you may the connection. Anyway, it’s funny as you see so many people out and about with their canine, but so few with the necessary “Tools” to making picking up after them a reality. I would imagine in most American cities, you have the same phenomenon (People needing to walk their dogs due to the lack of a yard) but here in Florence, the act of walking your dog also includes “Fido” dropping a few pounds on the old cobblestone! It’s so rampant that I literally live in constant fear of Trey and Olivia stepping in poop when we are walking through the city. Anna and I would estimate that there is at least one dropping per city block.

This is why I have instituted a rule with the kids. If you step in it, you lick it up! I know its gross, but man does it have them looking down when they walk with me now! In the end, I think that it should be an Italian law to exercise the habits of our housekeeper Stella. She puts a diaper on her dog every morning to take care of the problem while he is left home alone.

The gym’s new Social Butterfly – I’m most serious when I say this and those that know me in business can verify, that I am an introvert in social settings. I do well when I know people or when it’s a one on one situation, but large rooms with strangers is not my scene. A part of my problem is a pathetic inability to remember people’s names! Strangely enough, if you asked me what aspect of my life has been most positively impacted by the first six months in Italy, it just might be this area. Since our December posting (Where we highlighted the difficulties of making friends in Italia) I have turned a new leaf and even my sweet shy Anna is benefiting as well! Beginning in early December, I had enough and decided, that the blank stares and an unwelcome looks were no longer going to be a deterrent to my making friends. There were so many people who we had pre-judged as being snobs or just downright unfriendly when our half smiles and soft welcoming stares fell upon blind eyes. We were downright bumbed about it and had many a conversation over lunch regarding who stared us down today at the gym, or who I smiled at this morning and didn’t even get an acknowledgment in return. Well I decided one day “Nope, I’m coming out of my shell and am going to win people over whether they like it or not!” The fact is even the meanest people are victims to being won over with kindness I thought…

The first order of business was to figure out how to engage in conversation with my fellow “Gym Rats”. I decided that the best course was to determine how to ask for help when lifting weights “Spotting” as we call it in America. The simple phrase “Poui aiutare me per favore?” (Can you help me please) became the secret weapon for making friends. I made it my mission to ask a different person nearly everyday for help (Even woman who were likely shocked by the request!). This would lead into them typically asking me where I was from (Since I speak so poorly :>), and Walla! The conversations had begun.

In the span of just over forty five days, I have gone from knowing virtually no one at the gym to perhaps knowing more people by name than anyone! It’s hilarious! Everyday there are at least five to seven people to high five (I’ve taught the Italians how to give knuckles too! :>) I must say that it sure makes going to the gym a lot more fun when you know people. The results are multi faceted:

An average increase in my workout time by about twenty minutes as the social dynamic has gotten a little too social. (Slight negative)
A dramatic increase in utilization of the Italian language because very few of these folks speak a lick of English. (Big positive)
The receipt of many gifts (Man Italians sure are generous). I’ve received three bottles of wine, two bottles of olive oil, a 2008 calendar of beautiful Italian photographs, a t-shirt with the local football team’s logo on it, and have had several cups of coffee bought for me! (Positive)
I have set up four lunch appointments with various people that I have become friends with (The results of these lunches will surely grace the pages of this blog) (Positive both for language learning and cultural integration)
Anna and I have had dinner with one couple who we met at the gym and we have gotten together with a single mom and her two children for social time (This has been the nice side benefit for Anna who isn’t very social at the palestra).
Lastly and perhaps most importantly is that I have found a workout partner named Stefano. He and I work out together a couple of days a week. (Positive as he is a great guy)

It just goes to show you that everyone has a little extravert in them. I guess in the past I have been able to get by without having to draw upon it. Call it laziness I guess or perhaps insecurity. Heck I even have avoided saying hello to new employees of mine for up to two weeks as I was so embarrassed by not remembering their name! Not proud of it but true. No a great lesson has been taught to me here in Italia. Sometimes you need to make the first move to make friends and often times the person on the other side of that straight face is actually someone really cool who is living in a shell of their own…


The efficiency of the Train – One of the great institutions of European transportation is the train. I know that we have Amtrak in the US, but I can’t say that I know of anyone who has every traveled this way! I would imagine that the sheer size of the US makes this form of transport less desirable, but even if you take a state like California, with all of its wonderful cities and interesting places to visit you would think that a serious public transit system throughout the state would be supported by its residents (Especially with gas prices these days).

I would never have guessed that we would like the train so much prior to coming here, but at this point it’s my preferred way of travel in most cases. Santa Maria Novella is the train station here in Florence (Most cities have one station and near if not in the city’s center). From Santa Maria, I can be in Rome in one hour forty minutes, Milan in three hours, Venice in three hours, Bologna in one hour and a whole slew of other much smaller destinations with little problem. The train has so many benefits that you almost can’t count!

When we ride first class (More leg room and electrical outlets at each seat for DVD players and computers) the cost (as an example) to take the train to Rome is about sixty dollars a person. The drive to Rome takes about two and a half hours while the train takes an hour forty. You get to sit back and take a nap, play on the computer, read or just daydream as the Tuscan hillside passes you by. The drink cart comes by and serves you a beverage, or you can simply walk to the food car, stand at the bar and have a drink or a snack. There’s no fighting the highway traffic and more importantly no dealing with the busy Italian city streets when you have reached your destination. What makes train travel even more enjoyable is that unlike flying, you need not get to the train station more than ten minutes before the train is scheduled to depart. We have yet to experience anything other than an on time departure and arrival.

For those that travel to Europe in the future, we could not recommend this form of transportation highly enough.