Notes from the Cheap Seats

We have French license plates because you need to be a resident to lease a car in Italy. This has turned out to be less than ideal. Imagine being in Italy for a year and everyone thinks that you are French! Nothing against the French, but think about the rivalry. It would be like living in Bahgdad and having an “I voted for Bush” sign on your car :>) for those that have forgotten the World Cup, it was Zidane who head butted the Italian player! Let’s just say that we stand out a little more than we want to!
Many Italians have dogs. The problem is that most don’t have yards as they live in flats in the city. The solution for soiling your animal? Diapers!!! Can you believe that they put diapers on their dogs when they go to work? I cant imagine what its like after a hard day of work, opening the door and having to…well you get the point.
Communal Tables are very common at restaurants (Being seated at the same table as total strangers). This may come as a foreign experience at first as small talk can be a bit icy at the beginning, but we have met some pretty nice people in this type of setting and have even exchanged phone numbers and dining suggestions along the way. It would be cool if they did this in Los Angeles.
If any of you decide to move to Italy but don’t know what business you want to go into, there is simply one word that comes to mind “Service”. There is no translation of this word into the Italian vernacular! Case in point is that at the time of this writing, I STILL don’t have high speed wireless internet access even though it was ordered on the 20th of August! We finally got the piano tuned in the house after waiting four weeks. We are still waiting for the return of our DVD player that was taken into the shop by Simone in early September after arriving broken in the shipment container that was shipped on the 30th of June and arrived on the 4th of September (36 days late) AND we have been waiting since the 20th of August to have eight new hinges installed for various cabinets in the kitchen! Now in all due respect to my Italian friends who say “Things are slower here and you need to show patience, this slowness of life is what makes things beautiful”, there is a point when patience has been exercised and words such as “inept, ridiculous and insanity” start to find their way past your lips. By the way, Anna is one of those Italian friends :>)
Massages in Italy – Anna asked that I write about the major differences between receiving a massage in Italy versus in the United States. There are many, so here goes!
a) In Italy EVERYONE is required to put on a pair of throw away “G-String” panties! Yes, I have had to wear them twice. Candidly, I am not thrilled with the way I look in them and it also seems to give the masseuse an excuse when turning me over to take a nice long look. I don’t dig it at all.
b) For some odd reason, the Italians have not figured out that when you get a massage, you want to be as comfortable as possible! They don’t provide you with a “Ring” to place your face into when facing down and they don’t put a towel under your feet when in the same position. Instead they make you cock your neck one way or another and simulate the position of a pigeon toed freak while lying on the table.
c) Italians seem to be against providing you with aids to make yourself smell fresh and clean! Whether it be in he showers at the Palestra or at the spa, you are required to bring you own towel, soap and shampoo. Otherwise, join the many other men and woman in Italy that have BO and leave like a sweaty pig!
d) Anna tells me that masseuses in Italy like to massage the stomach, buttocks and breasts! Either this is a female thing, or I am clearly getting the bad draw of straws, but this has yet to happen to me. I have offered many times to verify this live and in person while Anna is getting a massage from a female masseuse but to this point have been unsuccessful!
e) Italian spas are against water! I cant figure it out, but they don’t ask you if you would like tea, water or any beverage for that matter when you arrive and never offer you to drink water when you are done. I thought that not drinking water was a cardinal sin following a massage?
f) Finally, the prices are excellent (I wonder why?) and for the most part the massages have been very good!

Ciao until next time…